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Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Only Way To Get There

while I hurry
along a street
I hear a boy:
“Just go straight this way
it’s the only way to get there!” he replies
to a passer-by

while I go into a store
to buy chocolate
I reach for the handle
and I fall into empty space
I realize then
a smiling little girl
opens the door
for me

while I stroll
past my building
the children have lit
pieces of paper
on fire
all around

(An explanation for all of this is coming hopefully in one of the next posts.)


Michelle Gartnersaid...

Oh please don't explain it to soon- I like to digest poetry like mystery.

Jim Murdochsaid...

What strikes me about the piece is that it feels like the narrator has suddenly become aware of children in his world. Perhaps he has just learned his wife is pregnant and now all the children in the world have come out of the woodwork as it were.

Could I suggest 'has opened' rather than 'opens' and also have a think about 'set' rather than 'lit'. It all depends on what you want convey but I think that scans better. I just think that with 'lit' 'on fire' becomes redundant'.


Hi Michelle and Jim.
Jim, I like your note about the narrator discovering children in his world.


What I sensed is how children are carefree, having fun and living innocently. The narrator's perspective is one of wonder, thinking how wonderful it was to be a child.

J. C.said...

Hi Bobby, thanks for an opinion. Cheers!

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