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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Not Poems But Pieces

Quiet Place

As with so many other places
around the globe
and in spite of everything
that has changed so much
I have decided that
I will survive in this city
and in spite of its quietness
after all

Living in any city
only means
that there are so many things
that are really none of my business.

Poetry Before the Doors

There is so much poetry
everywhere around
And that’s why it sells so badly

There are too many doors
everywhere around
Too much stumbling
and taking a deep sigh
before the doors


Jim Murdochsaid...

So, what makes these NOT poems? They certainly look (and more importantly sound) like poems to me.

To improve the flow I have two suggestuons:

'that there are so many things'

Get rid of 'that'. And

'and taking a deep sigh'

Try 'and taking deep sighs'

Then try reading the two whatever-they-ares out loud. Now, do they sound like poems?

J. C.said...

Hi Jim, thanks a lot for your advices.

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